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: : : : Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-to-Door to Shock : : People : : : OVERLAND PARK, KS--Stung by flagging album : : sales and Eminem's supplanting him as Middle : : America's worst nightmare, shock rocker Marilyn : : Manson has embarked on a door-to-door tour of : : suburbia in a desperate, last-ditch effort to : : shock and offend average Americans. : : : Accompanied by bandmates Twiggy Ramirez, : : Madonna Wayne Gacy, and Zim Zum, Manson kicked : : off his 50-city "Boo" tour Jan. 26 in Overland : : Park, a conservative, middle-class suburb of : : Kansas City. : : : "When we first laid eyes on Overland Park, with : : its neat little frame houses, immaculately : : landscaped lawns, and SUVs in the driveways, we : : couldn't wait to swoop down on it like the Black : : Death," said Manson, born Brian Warner in Canton, : : OH. "We were like, 'Welcome to our nightmare, you : : bloated, pustulent pigs.'" : : : Last Friday at 4 p.m., Mark Wesley, 46, a : : resident of Overland Park's exclusive Maple Bluff : : subdivision, heard the sound of "animal-like : : shrieking" coming from the vicinity of his front : : lawn. Upon opening his : : : front door, he was greeted by the sight of a : : pale and shirtless Manson carving a pentagram : : into his chest with a razor blade. : : : "Look at me, suburban dung," Manson told : : Wesley. "Does this shock you?" : : : When Wesley replied no, he said Manson : : became "petulant." Recalled Wesley: "He started : : stamping his feet and shaking his fists, : : saying, 'What do you mean no? Aren't your : : uptight, puritanical sensibilities offended? : : Don't you want to censor me so you don't have to : : confront the ugly truth I represent?' So I : : say, 'Well, not particularly.' Then, after a long : : pause, he says, 'Well, screw you, jerk!' and : : walks off sulking." : : : That evening, Linda Schmidt was preparing to : : drive her daughter Alyssa to a Girl Scouts : : meeting when she found Manson standing on her : : porch draped in sheep entrails. : : : "I knew who he was, but I was kind of busy and : : didn't really have time to chat," Schmidt : : said. "He just kept standing there staring at me, : : expecting me to react in some way." : : : Added Schmidt: "I tried to be nice and humor : : him a little. I said, 'Yesiree, that sure is some : : shocking satanic imagery, no doubt about it. And : : that one eye with no color in the pupil, very : : disturbing. I'd sure like to suppress that.' I : : mean, what do you say to Marilyn Manson?" : : : A deflated Manson remained on Schmidt's porch : : as she and Alyssa drove off. : : : Subsequent attempts to provoke outrage were met : : with equal indifference. : : : "[Manson] was standing at my front door wearing : : those fake breasts he wore on the cover of : : Mechanical Animals," retiree Judith Hahn : : said. "He said, 'My name is Marilyn Manson, and : : I'm here to tear your little world apart.' I : : thought he was collecting for the Kiwanis food : : drive, so I gave him some cans of pumpkin-pie : : filling." : : : Undaunted, Manson and his entourage stepped up : : their assault on mainstream American : : sensibilities. On Tuesday, they arrived in the : : tiny Detroit suburb of Grosse Pointe Farms, where : : stockbroker Glenn Binford answered his doorbell : : to find Manson hanging upside-down on a wooden : : cross as Ramirez performed fellatio on him. : : : "I just stood there thinking, now there's a boy : : who tries way too hard," Binford said. "I mean, : : come on: Homoerotic sacrilege went out in the : : late '90s." : : : Other provocative acts by Manson--including : : dismembering a chicken, bathing in pig's blood, : : and wearing a three-piece suit of human noses-- : : failed to arouse anyone's ire, instead prompting : : comments such as "sophomoric," "trite," and "so : : Alice Cooper." : : : Manson's lone brush with controversy occurred : : in Edina, MN, a suburb of Minneapolis. An : : unidentified neighborhood-watch volunteer phoned : : police after seeing a nude, feces-smeared Manson : : being led around on a leash by a dwarf : : dominatrix. Officers arrived on the scene, but : : let Manson go with a warning for parading without : : a city permit. : : : "I could have given him a citation, but I : : figured, how much harm is he really causing?" : : Edina Police Officer Dan Herberger said. "I mean, : : he's just Marilyn Manson, for the love of Mike." : : : The "Boo" tour was dealt a further blow when : : Manson learned that Eminem's "The Marshall : : Mathers" LP had been banned from all Kmart : : stores. Manson's current album, "Holy Wood (In : : The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death)," is still : : available. : : : "Why are all you people outraged by Eminem? : : He's not scary!" Manson said. "He doesn't sport : : ghoulishly pale skin or wear gender-bending make- : : up. He's just some regular guy. I'm the one who : : people should be terrified by, not him! Me!" : : : "If you ban me," Manson continued, "I promise : : to rail against censorship and hypocrisy. Please? : : Pretty, pretty please?" : : : By Monday, the tour appeared to have lost all : : momentum. Sources close to Manson described him : : as "exhausted and discouraged," despite not : : having even completed the first leg of the three- : : month tour. By the time he arrived in Hoffman : : Estates, IL, Manson had resorted to leaving : : flaming bags of dog feces on doorsteps and : : shining a flashlight under his chin to make : : himself look "spooky." He was ultimately chased : : from a Hoffman Estates subdivision by a group of : : bicycle-riding teenagers who advised him to "get : : [his] chalk-white goblin ass" out of their : : neighborhood. : : : On Friday, Manson is slated to appear in : : Bethesda, MD, where many believe he will bring : : his tour to a premature end. : : : "Have you people forgotten already?" Manson : : told The Washington Post. "You all thought I was : : responsible for Columbine two years ago. Well, I : : was! I was! I know I vehemently denied it at the : : time, but, really, I personally told those two : : kids to shoot up the school. I'm serious. I sent : : them an e-mail. And I told them to worship Satan, : : too. You hear that, kids? Marilyn Manson says you : : should shoot your friends in the head with a gun! : : And everyone should eat babies! And rape their : : dead grandparents! And poop on a church! There, : : now will someone please be offended?" : : : : : : www.theonion.com : : Great site, Dr. Drag. : Anyone know where I can get some sex?